joy

I am feeling such a burst of joyfull energy this week. I can`t say why for sure, and in truth the last thing I want to do is analyse it. I just want to bask in it! I started an online reading circle with friends (who I hope to see on here quite soon!) and even finally joined facebook which is a lot more fun that I would have guessed. I had a delicious yoga class last night (the frog pose was torture but the fish pose felt amazing!) and then walked home under a cobalt sky. I can feel some new creative ideas gathering energy. I also made a pledge to be kinder to myself this month. A good idea any old time, but I was feeling so good Tuesday that I decided to try to carry that feeling with me for the rest of May by focusing on it and making it grow. I am trying to re-connect to my thirteen year old self (don't worry mom, not all of her). I was so confident at that age. I know a lot of people feel very self-conscious and shy as young teens, but I think the exact opposite was true for me. I was fairly sure of myself and although I thought I wanted time to rush past so I could be an adult and conquer the world I was also glad to be the age I was. I was happy to be starting high school, I was learning to read and play music, I was just entering the perilous world of dating, I was discovering all kinds of new interests and passions. It really felt like the very begining of what was sure to be a fascinating adventurous life! More recently I have waited for midwifery to call me back, waited for the longing to be back in that space but it has not come. And so in some ways I feel thirteen again, or maybe a little older, but in that place of searching for myself. It can sometimes be overwhelming to be back in that place now, at thirty. But it also feels kind of wonderful to imagine the possibilities.